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***The first time I realized I was in trouble was when he beat me so bad I couldn't go to my Aunt's wedding.
The first time I realized that I could get help was when I saw a billboard on the side of the highway. It was black, with the word "ABUSE" in red in the center. At the bottom all it said was, "You don't have to take it anymore" That's it. I thought about it for a long time. Then I realized it was true. Even though I loved him, I didn't need to let him hurt me.
That was a year ago.
I never left him. I tried to get away once or twice, but I never had enough courage too.
That's when I met this guy. A truly wonderfull guy. He said to me "Without saying because you love him, explain to me why you want to stay with him. If you can give me a good reason why it's okay for him to hurt you, then I promise to give you my blessing." I stared at him for a long time.
I couldn't do it.
I knew then that I had to get away from him, no matter what it took. With the help of him, and my friends, I finally broke it off.
For good.

It's been about a week now. He sends me a dozen roses everyday, and calls me everynight. Deep down in my heart, I know that I can find better than someone who finds it neccasary to force himself on me. But sometimes I think that he could change.

I have decided that the only way I can get him out of my life is press charges against him. It might not sound like the right thing to do, but it really is. It is physically impossible for me to continue living this way. I can't even leave my house without wondering which one of the people walking behind me has been hired by him to follow me, and make sure I'm not doing anything wrong. Wondering how much longer it will be until he finds me and rapes me agian. Or how long it will be until he finally kills me. Because that is what he will do one of these days, if I don't stop it now.

Thank you Greg and Brian for helping me realize his.

His name is Jason, and he's in the service. I went to the police yesterday, and filed charges against him. It is really scary because he will no longer be able to serve, so he will be closer to me. They will be serving him the restraining order soon, and we will get a court date after that. Wish me luck!!!

***On March 3rd, Jason was released form the service. At first he was very mad. He stood in front of my house in the middle of the night, and yelled stuff at me. He was arrested for breaking the restraining order. Then he acted like nothing was wrong, and tried to be my friend again. He said "I love you so much, and if you ever once loved me, you wouldn't do this to me." That's pretty funny, he loves me so much that he can hit me, but once I start to defend myself, I don't love him? lol. I hate to say this, but as much as I hate him, part of me will always love him.
We go to court in May, if I can make it that long.

***It's been a little over a month now, and so much has happened. I am still on a roller coaster ride with the way that Jason is. One day he will be as mean as he can be, and then he'll turn into the wonderful guy that I first fell in love with. For awhile he almost had me covinced that he had changed and that he loves me. One thing I have learned from all of this, is that he does not love me, and probably never did. He just needs someone to control.
In time, I know that I might be able to put this behind me, and try to build up my life again. But until I can do that, I need to learn how to live again. That will take some time.

****A lot has happened since I've last updated this page. Jason made his way back into my life. So much so, that I let him back into my home. Back into my life.
I honestly thought that this time he had changed.
I was wrong.
People like Jason don't change. I know that now. Deep down, I know that now.
For the first few weeks, things were perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be with.
But that didn't last.
I went out with some of my friends one night, and he followed me. I didn't realize that he was there, until I saw one of my friends....who happened to be a guy. He came up to me, and we hugged. That's all, just a simple little hello hug. Nothing more.
Then, out of nowhere Jason came up to us, and punched my friend. He then dragged me out of the place we were at.
When we got home, he beat me up. Real bad that time. My neighbor called the police because she heard alot of glass breaking. When they got to my house, they arrested Jason. I pressed charges against him, that I will not drop this time.
I was taken to the hospitol, where I was told that I had a broken arm, three cracked ribs, lots of cuts and bruises, and a fractured shoulder bone.
I was also told that I was pregnant.

My friend, the one I hugged that night, and I started spending alot of time together. We became closer and closer. Untill we finally started dating. He is helping me through this greatly. Hs name is Gregg. He loves me, and would never hurt me.
****It is now six weeks since I have last written here. It breaks my heart to say that Gregg was in a car accident and has passed away. Part of me wanted to run right back to Jason, for the comfort, I guess. But I have made it my goal to stay as far away from him as I can~for Gregg's wishes, if not for myself. Our final court day is next week~~Cross your fingers!
****Court went great!! Jason was found guilty, and when we went back for sentencing, he was given 27 months, less time served. I know it's not as long as he deserves, but it is 27 months that I will be free!!!!

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